so here's the deal. why do i continue to hurt someone whom i love more than (almost) anything in this world? over and over again. ultimately, i control my life. and i have the choice to hurt other people. and i continue to do it. this person is my second most favorite and important person in my life. over and over i hurt and disappoint them. i try. i really do. and it's so frustrating. so frustrating. i thought i was doing good. and so did this person. but apparently, no. and to have to go through (again) seeing the look of hurt in their eyes. it hurt my heart so bad. i don't mean to hurt this person. ever. if i have to go through this with them again. i don't know what i will do. i can't stand to see them hurt. because of me. i'm going to do better. i am. this person sees how strong i really am and knows i can get through this. but its hard. its so hard. i don't want to hurt them anymore. so i won't. i'm going to try my hardest. i promise.

it's my BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!! =)

bistro => 10 days straight.

e*bar => 5 of those 10 days @ bistro + 2

sunday => my first day off in 2 weeks!!!! and i loved it.

but back to work @ bistro last night & e*bar this morning.

so. i've been a bit busy. but it's cool. cause i'll get some really good paychecks!! woo! other than that.... MY BIRTHDAY'S IN 10 DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i'm not excited or anything right? i'm gonna be not a teenager.. ooooh ahhhh!! =)  i'm really liking working at e*bar.. it's stellar. and i'm glad that i don't have to work til FRIDAY! yippee!!! tomorrow is going to be my lazy day and thursday.. well not sure but i just might have a date for breakfast.. or lunch.. maybe even brunch. ok that totally rhymed. it's cause i'm awesome.. and in the words of the GREAT cat in 'da hat.. YEA I AM!  

LEAVING FOR DISNEYLAND IN 14ish HRS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ok so lots of new stuff to tell... but not quite enough time!!! so you get the short version!

 I'M AN AUNT!!! and my neices are stinkin' adorable!!!! and i love them!!!!

i had my second interview today for elephant bar... and they hired me! ...as a server!!! ::so excited::

hmm it seems like there was a lot more but i can't remember now.. so i'll update later!